I wrote this as an assignment in a course that I’m taking this term called “Software Project Management”. See no reason not to post it here as well.

Bit of context would be good, I guess: The assignment was to write an epitaph, in first person, for a failed software project in a hopefully humorous way. The project I was assigned was one called STARS (a tax system for the State of Mississippi developed by AMS, Inc.), which fell flat on its face and ended in litigation and settlement.

So, here goes…

Under the STARS…
State Automated Revenue System
Dec 13, 1993 – April 22, 1999

0. PROLOGUE
…wherein I sing Enigma’s “Look of Today”

I am so stylish, I am so vain,
Sometimes I think I have no brain,
But you know, that’s the look of software.

1. ANOTHER PROLOGUE (don’t ask why)
…wherein I try to understand why I should have an epitaph

In fact, I wonder why I should have an epitaph. I was born to as a meaningless junk of 1s and 0s. Six years later, I still retain most of it. I don’t need any epitaph, do I? But the green men in pink jumpsuits made a PPT that said epitaphs are Good, so it must be so. At least, they make for interesting prose and poetry.

2. FORMATIVE YEARS
…wherein I introduce myself

I had one hell of a childhood. I was born to the union of my Godfather, American Management Systems, Inc. and my Godmother, Miss. Issippi (whose name I never got round to spelling correctly). My Godfather was a consultant (eeks!) and my Godmother was a servant of the State (not the “liquid, gaseous” kinds, though). Both were generally not known to do anything especially useful. I should’ve known. Ah, well.

Legend has it that my father wooed my mother into letting him write a taxing (sic) system for her. He even named it STARS (for State Automated Revenue System), so I guess he was pretty serious about her.

3. THE STARS ALIGN
…wherein the wooing begins

Anyway, the stars were definitely in profitious, er, propitious, positions. My dad was, rather, in what one may call a non-profitious (pardon the reckless disregard for diction: that’s how I was brought up) position, with no one to woo, so he went head over heels for my mom, promising her all the STARS in the sky (a full mega-constellation of 36) in less than three years.

4. THE WAIT
…wherein we, well, wait

Well, what-da-ya-know? What started out as a 3-year agreement dragged on for 6 years. Mom wasn’t very pleased, needless to say. And I lazed around in the tap-your-fingers-and-wonder-what-happened mode. Mom would ask dad frequently what he was up to, and his perennial answer was “Oh, honey, I’m right on schedule”. Yeah, right. What was mom thinkin’? Ditch the bloke!, I’d say to myself.

Dad made, as far as I know, three attempts in 64 months. And do you know how many of the 36 tax applications promised he delivered? Zilch. Shoonya. Zero. 0.000. It must’ve taken a lot of effort to accomplish *that*. I think he was a genius. Really.

5. ACROBATICS
…wherein I try to understand what went wrong

What mom probably never knew was that he was no longer desperate and had found other people (whose names I could spell) to woo. Like Miss. Kansass. Or was it Kansas? (Whoa, I think I’m dyslexic.)

He skillfully changed the top priority he had given mom. She rapidly slided down his mind-space and found herself among mediocre talent, the kind of people who couldn’t make planets, leave alone STARS. Too bad for me, I said to myself, and continued playing tic-tac-toe with my alter-ego.

What’s more, he somehow managed to get mom to sign a “brand new contract” every time he slipped on his schedule. “Aww, give me one more chance, honey. I’ll get you your STARS for sure this time.” I’m tellin’ ya, this guy was a smooth talker.

6. WHAAA?
…wherein wisdom dawns

Here’s a little truth: when you’re dead, you suddenly become wise.

What happened? Well, now that I am wiser, I know that dad’s contractor management skills weren’t Great Shakes (not even Great Coffee). In fact, to be very diplomatic, his contractor management skills sucked big rocks.

He didn’t even have anything remotely resembling a technology radar (which I’ve seen in my friend’s dad’s office–pretty neat thingy, it showed approaching technology and how big it would be). In fact, one day on a weekend trip to my friend’s place, I noticed a big bad blip on it that said “Client/server targeted. Confirming visual of web-based apps. Please redeploy.” (I’m not called STARs Trek for nothin’. Heh). I tried telling him about the big bad blip, but he was busy playing golf, and asked me to go do something to myself.

And oh, he had no idea about the expansionary theory of the universe, which is why he did not understand what “increasing project scope” meant. He rocked at making PowerPoint presentations in Armani suits, though. Consultants!

7. ELECTROENCEPHELOGRAPHICALLY CHALLENGED
…wherein I, well, die

Well, well, well. The inevitable happened. Mom couldn’t take it anymore. She gets the nod-of-the-head from me, actually. I understand. Dad had breached contract; he got sued and was asked to pay up. Good for mom, I think. I liked her better anyways. The moron didn’t even admit fault. “What did I do wrong?” was his refrain. Oh, the chutzpah, the unmitigated gall. I feel like showing him how the wrong end of that golf stick looks like.

He was shrewd, though. He had to pay only a fraction of the total settlement amount: the rest was paid by his insurance companies. Bloody hell. I know jurisprudence is not my area of specialization, but heck, is there no justice in this world?

As Alan Kay put it, you get the most insights into technology by watching them fail.

8. EPILOGUE
…wherein I take a stab at wit

This epitaph may look like a book, but at least it was developed on schedule, is BugFree(tm) and loves all mankind equally.

9. WHATEVER COMES AFTER EPILOGUE (my vocab sucks; I’m v. proud of it)
…wherein I eat sand

Dad continues to er, “consult” and woo unsuspecting victims. I would’ve screamed foul play, but when you’re buried six feet under, you can only communicate in vowels.

Other places you can read my sob story

1) How Much Is Software Quality Worth?, Randall W. Rice
2) AMS Averts Financial Disaster In Mississippi, William Welsh
3) In The Hands Of The Gods?, CBR Online

The facts of the matter

This is how the STARS timeline looked like (from Washington Technology article, reference #2 above):

Dec. 13, 1993: The Mississippi State Tax Commission and the Mississippi Department of Information Technology sign a three-year, $11.2 million contract with American Management Systems Inc. to develop the State Tax Automated Revenue System.

April 21, 1998: The first of three times Mississippi notifies AMS that it is in material breach of the STARS contract. The notification also is made Feb. 25, 1999, and March 19, 1999.

Jan. 31, 1999: Withholding 3 is scheduled to be delivered by AMS to the tax commission for testing. Withholding 1 and Withholding 2 were delivered in 1997 and 1998, respectively, but both times AMS and the tax commission amended the contract and revised the project schedule.

April 22, 1999: Mississippi terminates STARS and files a complaint against AMS in the First Judicial District of the Circuit Court of Hinds County, Miss. The state seeks actual damages totaling $234 million and punitive damages totaling $750 million for AMS’ alleged failure to fulfill its contractual obligations on STARS. The system was scheduled to go live May 3, 1999, according to AMS. The company had been paid $6 million at the time the contract was terminated.

Aug. 7, 2000: The trial begins for the State of Mississippi v. American Management Systems Inc.

Aug. 23, 2000: The jury awards $299.5 million in compensatory damages and $175 million in punitive damages to Mississippi.

Aug. 28, 2000: AMS and the tax commission reach a negotiated settlement in which AMS agrees to pay $185 million over 13 years. Of this amount, AMS will pay $23.5 million and the AMS’ insurance companies will pay the rest.

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